So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
