Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
