My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He has the fingertips of a God
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
