apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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