I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
