I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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