it hurts more in the daytime
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
