vagina is talking i cant
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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