marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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