I will die if light touches me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
