You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
