she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
