i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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