i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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