as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Your dad touched me again.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
