so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
