She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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