Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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