walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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