You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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