he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
