I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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