umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
are you so shy because you have an std?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
