I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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