Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
