and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
