what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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