is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she pinky promised me she was 18
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
