I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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