if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
