When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
