I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
