I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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