Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
