Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
no you cant smoke seaweed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
