for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
