you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
