Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
