Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
