and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
