I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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