Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
