can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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