I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Randomize
