Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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