I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize