Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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