youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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