If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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