did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
