every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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