And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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