There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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