man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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