I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
