woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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