I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
