wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
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