He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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