I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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