Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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