your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
