they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
