I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
