I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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