You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
