Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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