stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's never too late to be topless.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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