Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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