Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
