you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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